Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's prominent entertainers used the airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just launched immigration program, labeled the "Trump card," portraying it as a blatant pay-to-play arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Witty Analysis

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils all he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial initiative which allows foreign nationals to acquire U.S. residency for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" tier for 5 million. The program's portal promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief thought for you to affluent foreigners: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the program is also designed to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire foreign workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough screening the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll numbers during economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.